This four part series is designed to be a brief introduction to the field of non-violent resolution tactics.
Part One – Underpinning Principles
Part Two – Verbal Approaches
Part Four – Personal Psychology
PART TWO – VERBAL APPROACHES
This is such a huge topic that it seems trite to try and narrow it down to a simple set of guidelines that will help people. Some people don’t need (much) advice or training. They already have the ‘gift of the gab’ and can smoothly talk their way out of trouble under pressure or indeed talk another person out of trouble.
Unfortunately, if you are not naturally talented then the best way to improve is practice. Real practice comes with risk and potential cost and in any case unless your job requires it your primary aim should be to avoid putting yourself in situations where de-escalation skills are required. Despite that, the underlying principles of good de-escalation are those of good communication, and those are skills that we can all work on all the time.
What you say will depend on the circumstances. I can’t tell you exactly what to say. What I can do is share a teaching mnemonic that I use to outline underlying approaches. This mnemonic is deliberately simple, with each headline word conveying an overall message and each heading letter summarising a number of different skill sets.
READ to LEAD to DEAL
We want to read a situation accurately so that we can lead it to a successful or safe resolution by achieving a deal that both parties can accept.
RECOGNISE if a verbal strategy is viable or appropriate under the circumstances.
EXPECT a physical response at all times and maintain alertness and a safe posture.
ADAPT your tone, volume and phrasing to that of the other person and if possible use to build a connection for good communication.
DECIDE on and constantly re-evaluate what you think is the best course of action.
to
LISTEN to what the other person is saying.
EMPATHISE with their point of view to enable you to ask how best to help or offer a solution.
ACKNOWLEDGE the issue that is being raised and try to offer a solution.
DISTRACT (and defuse tension) by asking open-ended questions, by involving other people, or (if necessary) to create an opportunity for a pre-emptive strike.
to
DISTRACT (and defuse tension) by asking open-ended questions, by involving other people, or (if necessary) to create an opportunity for a pre-emptive strike.
EMPATHISE with their point of view to enable you to ask how best to help or offer a solution.
ACKNOWLEDGE the issue that is being raised and try to offer a solution.
LISTEN to what the other person is saying.
LEAD to DEAL is not simply a catchy mnemonic. The fact that the meanings are the same but the order has changed is a reminder that communication is a constantly changing fluid process.